DAJPL's Ties to the World's Communities |
DAJPL's facilities worldwide enjoy very close working relationships
with community groups and feel that we always strive to add value and
improve the lives of those around us. From employing massive amounts
of labour from the slums, we have managed to complete horribly dangerous
massive industrial projects without the need for pesky insurance and
associated Health and Safety restrictions to our "Grinning Granny"
worldwide initiative we serve those we live and work alongside.
Nobody knows more than the citizens around our Libyan launch facilities
that we really do involve the whole community. When a launch for Project
XXX Death went horribly wrong, the whole community was involved in
cleaning the uranium from their homes. DAJPL are proud of our resultant
investments we made of £2.20 in Libya's national health system and have
been cleared of all charges.
Grinning Granny: A Personal Story |
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Edna Postlethwaite: My Own Story
Edna was born in Lancashire in 1922, her father was a local blacksmith
and like most women of her generation, Edna's mother Enid stayed home
to bring up Edna along with her 2 younger sisters and 1 older brother.
When the second world war started in 1939 Edna, a mere 17 year old girl,
remembers the effect of the decleration of war and the war's resounding
effects on society "It was just last Tuesday" she says, "You
are little Danny aren't you?", what a wit she still has!
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Edna was married in 1942 to Bert, an American solder who was unfortunately
killed a mere two years later during the 1944 Normandy landings. After the
war, Edna worked as a clerk for a local mining company. Edna retired in 1982,
she'd never married again, had no children and no living relations she was
still in contact with "Go away, you bad men." she muses delightfully.
DAJPL's Grinning Granny project found Edna in a community nursing home in
2003, semi-delusional, heavily medicated and apparently miserable. Edna
was commissioned as a DAJPL employee and deployed with the elite 'Gas
Detection Unit' by the end of that week. Less than 48 hours after
active deployment, Edna was called upon to perform her duty for NASRA. A
Devestator Mark VI was stuck on the pad with something horribly wrong
with the fuelling system. It was imperative to know if highly explosive,
toxic gasses were being vented uncontrolably into the night air (mainly
in order to settle a bet between the Launch Controller and Range Safety
Officer). Edna tottered toward the rocket's fuelling system with the
courage expected from DAJPL's heavily medicated 'Launch Assistant' personnel,
smoking away on her cigar calmly.
The gases were indeed present and a massive explosion shoock the night,
decimating launch complex 4. Edna was miraculously thrown clear and
only suffered minor compound fractures to both legs. Less than 24 hours
convalessing later she was back and ready to go. In what transpired to be
our last interview with Edna as she was taken out to the Launch Complex
she looked remarkable well and said "God help me Please stop them!",
joking until the end. That night, Edna was sent in to investigate an
apparent tiger loose in the launch system and was killed, she will be
missed by all at DAJPL but died for NASRA!.
Edna Postlethwaite, 1922-2003: "Please stop them!"
Archived Community Images |
Members of the local community help to collect debris from a DAJPL rocket
at Roswell, New Mexico where DAJPL work on our stolen Alien technologies.
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DAJPL's Caring Commitment |
Norwich, Kings Lynn, Milton Keynes or Swindon, wherever a major DAJPL
installation exists, our caring commitment comes into instant effect.
DAJPL will always undertake the cost of the bullet to end your
suffering following an accident.
DAJPL will form local Grinning Granny groups.
Old people are usually quite small, often smell and have little use
within society save to burden workers further and keep charity shops
in business. At DAJPL we see old people as a valuable resource of
easily confused launch-assistants to be drafted. Our vow - "you'll go out
with a bang!". The Grinning Granny initiative was launched in 2002
and involves canvassing age-support groups and other such institutions
for old people gullable enough to aid us in rocketry. The story of
Edna Postlethwaite is told to the left if you want further information
on this community initiative.
DAJPL run a range of community groups most of which are run at
all main DAJPL facilities. A full list is available from your
local Community Activities Obenfhurer.
Devil Worship for Skeptics
How to Devote Your Life for NASRA
Giving All for Stavros
Death For the Cause: NASRA Martyr
Burglary for Beginners
Devil Worship for Believers
The DAJPL Scouts
Devil Worship for Christians
Membership is simple. Just send £500 UKP (around $750 US or
1.5 million Euros) to the main NASRA addresses given on
nasra.org.uk with a
signed note delaring your undying love for Stavros and NASRA,
your willingness to sacrafice your life for NASRA and legal
power over all your posessions to NASRA.
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